August 20, 2026

Well, Canada and the United States may finally have a trade deal.

Maybe.

Donald Trump announced this week that he was pausing his threatened 50 per cent tariffs on Canadian goods for three days because...

we have a deal!

Great!

What’s in it?

Nobody knows yet.

But Trump did post an AI-generated image of himself seemingly ripping a piece of the Keystone pipeline out of a grave...

so we’ve... got that.

Trump says it’s a very fair deal...

while Canadian officials say significant progress has been made, but there’s still work to do.

So...

we have a deal...

we just haven’t finished making the deal.

It’s like announcing your wedding... while you’re proposing... before waiting for the answer.

“Will you marry me?... HEY EVERYONE, WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!”

“Mark, I said I’d think about it.”

One thing that does appear to be part of all this...

American booze may be coming back to Canadian liquor store shelves.

Prime Minister Mark Carney has reportedly asked provinces to consider stocking U.S. alcohol again after many of them pulled it in retaliation for Trump’s tariffs.

Some provinces are still cautious about putting American products back on shelves.

Which makes sense.

Because Canadians spent the past year or so discovering just how great Canadian wine and spirits can be.

Canadians have become fiercely loyal to Canadian booze.

Unless Jack Daniels rebrands as Jacques Danielle, we may never go back.

Harry and Meghan Are Heading Back

Meanwhile, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are reportedly moving back to the UK with their children.

Which is quite the journey.

They left Britain...

briefly lived in Canada...

moved to California...

and now they’re going back to Britain.

So apparently Canada was just the airport lounge in their escape from the Royal Family.

“Would you like to stay?”

“No thank you, one is just connecting through Vancouver.”

Of course, Prince Harry has expressed his desire to live a normal life for him and his family.

Abandoning all the glamour and luxury of being a royal.

However, they reportedly plan to keep their homes in California and Portugal as well.

Gosh, they really are just like us.

From Car Salesman to Prince

And speaking of unexpected royalty...

a 26-year-old Belgian former car salesman named Clément Vandenkerckhove has officially become a prince.

Clément spent years surrounded by rumours that his father was Prince Laurent of Belgium.

His mother eventually told him it was true, a DNA test reportedly confirmed it, Prince Laurent publicly acknowledged him last year...

and now he’s formally registered him as his son.

Which means Clément is officially royalty.

He was a car salesman.

Imagine going back to your old dealership.

“Remember when you wouldn’t give me Saturday off, Gary?”

“Yeah.”

“Guards... seize his Hyundai.”

He gets the title Prince of Belgium and inheritance rights...

but no royal allowance, no royal duties and no place in the succession.

So...

Prince Lite.

Same great aristocracy...

zero calories.

The CNE Has Chosen Violence

And finally...

the CNE opens in Toronto tomorrow...

which means it’s once again time for Canadian chefs to ask the annual question:

What if food was a threat?

Among this year’s offerings...

a Kraft Dinner smoothie...

pickle-flavoured coffee...

a pickle cheesecake pop...

Brie cheese deep-fried Oreos...

and a Korean fried chicken ramen taco topped with cotton candy aioli.

Canada has strict food safety regulations...

but apparently no food idea regulations.

A KD smoothie.

There are some things Canadians make that we should proudly share with the world.

Insulin.

The Canadarm.

Basketball.

Kraft Dinner blended into a beverage...

that one should stay here.

And that’s the news from Canada...

where we may have a trade deal with America...

Harry and Meghan are moving back to Britain...

a car salesman became a prince...

and Toronto is drinking macaroni.

Everything’s fine.

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August 6, 2026

Well, Donald Trump appeared in Las Vegas this week...

and people immediately noticed something different about him.

He was speaking in complete sentences...

Nah, just kidding.

No, he wasn’t dressed like Elvis...

Oh wait, he actually was in one of his AI posts on Truth Social.

His hair.

It was... fuller.

A lot fuller.

So full that people online immediately started wondering if Trump was wearing a wig.

I want to be clear, I’m not wig-shaming here.

Wigs can be great. Lots of cool people wear wigs.

And if they’re cool, nice, and not actively trying to destroy democracy...

we don’t make fun of those people.

Otherwise...

It’s a simple rule.

Now, to be clear, nobody has confirmed that it’s a wig.

It could be his real hair.

It could be extensions.

“I got a weave.”

It could be East Wing Ballroom renovations...

Maybe it’s a personal bomb shelter.

“Sir, there’s a serious threat. We need to get you to your Situation Bangs!”

...

Trump introducing a suspiciously full head of hair at 80 is a bold move.

Which you can admire him for. You know, he went and found someone to fix his hair...

but word is he hired the same people that worked on the Reflecting Pool.

During that same speech, Trump turned his attention to Canada...

and said...

“Canada’s nasty. They’re nasty.”

Canada.

Nasty.

Sir...

our national scandals involve making sure DoorDash menus are bilingual.

Calling Canadians nasty is particularly strange because Trump’s complaint is essentially that we’re not buying enough American stuff anymore.

That’s not nasty.

That’s shopping.

We aren’t storming the border.

We’re standing in Canadian Tire squinting at the label going...

“Where was this toaster made?”

Because Canadians aren’t nasty.

We’re passive-aggressive.

There’s a difference.

Nasty is yelling at your neighbour.

Canadian nasty is saying...

“Interesting place to put your garbage bins.”

Which will destroy them emotionally for six months.

Meanwhile, in slightly more concerning Canadian news...

a Canadian intern working at NATO’s military headquarters in Belgium has been arrested on suspicion of espionage.

Belgian prosecutors say the intern is suspected of spying for a third country and participating in a criminal organization.

She’s currently in custody, and officials have not publicly identified which country she’s accused of spying for.

First of all...

a spy intern?

I didn’t realize espionage had internships.

What was the job listing?

“Exciting entry-level opportunity in international intelligence.
Must be proficient in Excel...
PowerPoint...
and pretending you weren’t looking at that.”

Imagine being the other interns.

You’re spending your summer updating NATO’s SharePoint...

and Jennifer is apparently bringing down the Western alliance.

The Canadian government says the allegations are serious and it wants to make sure this kind of thing doesn’t happen again.

That’s probably a good goal.

Maybe next year’s NATO internship application could include...

“Are you currently spying for another country?”

Just put a little checkbox.

You’d be surprised what people admit to on paperwork.

And finally...

Nova Scotia has welcomed an extremely rare two-coloured lobster named Oscar.

Oscar is split almost perfectly down the middle...

one colour on one side...

another colour on the other...

and the odds of finding a lobster like this are estimated at around one in 50 million.

One in 50 million.

The odds of winning the Lotto Max are better.

Do you know how many regular lobsters you could buy if you won the lottery?

Oscar was saved from becoming somebody’s dinner and is now living at an aquarium.

Which must be an incredible adjustment for a lobster.

One minute you’re facing melted butter...

the next minute you’re an influencer.

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President...
golf course owner...
and now...

lawn-care influencer.

Trump gave what sounded remarkably like an ad read for Scotts Miracle-Gro from the Oval Office this week, praising the company after it replaced the White House South Lawn for “free.”

He actually praised their “great grass.” (I think he was misheard.)

This is the President of the United States.

Doing a lawn-care ad from the Oval Office.

At this point, I’m surprised he didn’t finish with...

“Use promo code GRAB’EM BY THE GRASS for 20% off.”

Trump also announced that he has won yet another golf championship...

at his own golf club.

Trump won the senior division at Trump National Bedminster.

Amazing.

He owns the golf course...
hosts the tournament...
plays in the tournament...

and somehow...

wins the tournament.

To be fair, Trump did shoot an impressive two strokes Kim Jong Un-der par 70.

Trump says people question his golf victories because they’re jealous of his talent.

Personally, I’m not questioning his talent.

Even if some people find it odd that he’s always number one on the Dear Leader Board.

Meanwhile in Canada...

the WestJet flight attendants’ strike is over.

The airline and the union representing 4,400 flight attendants reached a tentative agreement after a weekend of major travel disruption.

More than 900 flights were cancelled, affecting roughly a quarter-million passengers.

The big issue for flight attendants was compensation for more of the time they’re actually working, including time spent on the ground.

Which seems reasonable.

If you’re wearing the uniform...
dealing with passengers...
and standing inside an airplane...

you’re probably at work.

Nobody has ever looked at a flight attendant helping 180 people shove oversized suitcases into tiny overhead bins and thought...

“Look at her enjoying her free time.”

Meanwhile, staffing shortages mean the U.S. National Weather Service is launching fewer weather balloons.

The balloons collect information used to forecast temperature, humidity and wind.

Though, to be fair...

they’ve determined most of the hot air is coming from the White House.

Prime Minister Mark Carney says Canada will not use energy exports as a bargaining chip in trade negotiations with Donald Trump.

Carney says Canada needs to remain a reliable energy supplier because being trustworthy has value.

Which is very Canadian.

Canada supplies the United States with enormous amounts of oil, natural gas and electricity.

So energy would obviously be a significant bargaining chip.

But Carney says reliability matters.

I get it.

It’s a bit like making sure your mom packed the kind of snacks your bully likes...

so you can be reliably bullied...

because you know things would just get worse if you don’t hand over the chocolate chip granola bars.

The trick is to only give him the store-brand ones.

Mmmm... chocolatey cardboard.

And finally...

Donald Trump says he has decided how he will punish Canada...

for allowing wildfire smoke to drift into the United States.

A reporter asked Trump if he had decided on a punishment.

Trump said...

“I have, yeah.”

“You’ll find out about it soon.”

Ooooooooh.

“You’ll find out about it soon.”

I’m guessing it’ll be coming in about two weeks.

Gosh, “two weeks” from now is going to be very busy...

what with Trump announcing Canada’s punishment...

his healthcare plan...

his infrastructure plan...

So much stuff is happening in two weeks, I’m starting to think “two weeks” isn’t a period of time.

It’s where Trump stores things that don’t exist.

At first, every new Trump threat made Canada flinch.

Tariffs?

Annexation?

The 51st state?

We all went...

“Oh my God...

what is he going to do?”

Now he says...

“You’ll find out about it soon.”

And Canada goes...

“Okay, Orange Grandpa... we’ll circle back in two weeks.”

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Well, Canadians spent part of this week arguing about whether some people should get more votes than others.

Which is an unusual debate to have in a democracy.

Shopify CEO Tobi Lütke sparked controversy after suggesting people with more at stake financially should have greater influence over elections.

More at stake financially?

That’s certainly one way to say, “I’ve never flown economy.”

He was voicing support for a social media post by TD Bank executive Eric Thor, who proposed a system of “weighted voting” based on the amount of income tax you pay...

From zero votes if you pay no income tax...

To five votes if you pay more than $500,000.

Lütke replied:

“Good system.”

“Good system”?

Yeesh.

Lütke then went on to say people drawing a pension should get no vote at all.

He said they were essentially dependents...

Like children...

And should let those with a stake in the future make the decisions.

Those with a stake in the future...

Also describes children.

But hey...

Why let common sense ruin a “let them eat cake” moment?

Although, seeing as we’re in Canada...

I guess it’s...

“Let them eat Timbits.”

The whole point of democracy is that everybody gets one vote.

The billionaire.

The plumber.

The nurse.

The guy who still insists Tim Hortons coffee changed because of Justin Trudeau.

One vote each.

If wealth determined voting power...

Canadians wouldn’t be electing Members of Parliament.

We’d just wait to see what Galen Weston posted on LinkedIn.

“Oh look, honey...

President’s Choice Decadent Democracy is on sale this week!”

And where does it stop?

Does your RRSP unlock bonus ballots?

“Congratulations...

You’ve reached Gold Democracy Status.”

Of course, wealthy people already have influence.

They can hire lobbyists.

Buy media companies.

Fund political campaigns.

The one thing they aren’t supposed to be able to buy...

Is more democracy.

There is no Premium Democracy.

No Democracy Plus.

This whole thing has been weirdly reassuring.

Because it reminds us...

Rich people are just as dumb as poor people.

They just have more money.

Fauci Takes the Fifth

Meanwhile, in the U.S....

Dr. Anthony Fauci is now facing legal action over his handling of the pandemic.

Only America could live through a global pandemic...

And decide the real villain was...

The infectious disease doctor.

This is the infectious disease doctor who served under seven presidents...

Helped guide America through the HIV crisis...

Is respected around the world...

But apparently decided to throw away an entire career...

Create COVID...

Cover it up...

Just for a laugh.

Fauci, in an effort to avoid perjury entrapment, is pleading the Fifth.

Essentially refusing to answer any questions.

Which, at first, sounds a little suspicious...

Until you compare it to what you’d do...

If Rand Paul tried to start a conversation with you in a bar.

It’s American exceptionalism at its finest.

As though the rest of the world...

Wasn’t also there.

Sure, Canada certainly has its own healthcare problems.

Emergency rooms are overcrowded.

Finding a family doctor can feel like trying to buy the winning Lotto Max ticket.

But at least when Canadians can’t find a doctor...

We don’t immediately assume it’s because doctors are secretly working for Big Stethoscope.

...Yet.

One of the strange side effects of turning healthcare into a business...

Is eventually people start wondering whether every decision is being made for medical reasons...

Or financial ones.

Trust starts disappearing.

And once people stop trusting doctors...

They start trusting people who begin sentences with:

“Now, I’m not an expert, but...”

Which is usually followed by something that confirms that.

High-Confidence Rail

Back here in Canada...

The federal government announced another $1.9 billion investment in VIA Rail.

Finally.

Canada is made for train travel.

Vast lands.

Wild weather.

People always say:

“We need high-speed rail.”

We do.

But let’s be honest.

At this point I’d settle for...

High-confidence rail.

Just a train that arrives approximately when the train says it’ll arrive.

Still...

It’s nice to see Canada investing in infrastructure.

Especially passenger rail.

Because every developed country eventually reaches the same conclusion.

Moving thousands of people...

One person per car at a time...

Might not be the most efficient long-term strategy.

Of course, there were critics.

“$1.9 billion for trains?”

It should be noted, though...

None of those critics were sitting in stop-and-go traffic on the 401.

Doug Ford Punches Snoopy

And finally...

Ontario Premier Doug Ford says he’s pulling provincial support for the Alto high-speed rail project...

After the federal government refused to approve an expansion of Toronto’s Billy Bishop Airport.

Which feels a little...

Petulant.

It’s like a kid whose dad won’t buy him a third funnel cake at Canada’s Wonderland...

So he punches Snoopy.

Now security’s involved...

The whole family’s being escorted to the parking lot...

Grandma never got on the Leviathan...

Little sister’s crying...

And Dad’s wondering how a $300 family outing ended...

With an assault charge.

That’s basically what’s happening here.

The federal government says no to expanding one airport...

So Ontario’s response is:

“Fine.
Then nobody gets a high-speed train.”

That’s not transportation policy.

That’s a baby throwing his bottle out of the buggy.

Ontario is home to nearly 17 million people.

It probably shouldn’t lose a major transportation project because two levels of government are having a disagreement.

Maybe...

And I’m just spitballing here...

If we’re serious about transportation in Ontario...

Premier Ford should try taking the UP Express.

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The signs will warn visitors that some exhibits contain what the Trump administration calls “inaccurate information” and direct them toward alternative sources of American history.

Because apparently the Smithsonian is no longer a museum...

it’s a disputed Wikipedia page.

I’ve been to the National Museum of American History a few times, and it is fantastic.

They have everything from George Washington’s iconic blue uniform...

to the Greensboro Woolworth’s lunch counter where four courageous young Black men staged a peaceful sit-in against segregation.

Or, as Trump’s sign will probably describe it:

“Popular vintage diner.

Known for its grilled cheese.

No additional context required.”

Thankfully, Trump can’t directly control the Smithsonian’s exhibits because it operates independently...

so he’s putting signs on the sidewalks outside.

Maybe that would be okay if the signs just said:

“Warning: This museum may contain history.

Side effects may include context, reflection...

and an increased ability to recognize fascism.”

But no, you know they’re going to read like Trump Yelp reviews:

“Terrible museum.

Too much history.

Very unfair to several presidents.

Staff refused to add me to the moon landing.”

The White House says the museum’s current leadership can’t be trusted to tell America’s story with sufficient “honesty and gratitude.”

Gratitude!

Apparently history should be grateful.

“Well, yes, some terrible things happened...

but did anyone remember to say thank you?”

Trump doesn’t want a museum.

He wants America’s refrigerator door:

A few flattering photographs...

a report card with all the bad grades hidden...

and a drawing of Daddy as the tallest person in the world.

—

Trump also attended the White House Correspondents’ Dinner for the first time as president.

The dinner is traditionally an opportunity for the president and journalists to poke fun at one another.

Trump used it as an opportunity to deliver personal insults, complain about the media and attack CNN journalist Kaitlan Collins.

So he really entered into the playful spirit of the evening...

the way a bear enters into the playful spirit of a campsite.

He also made jokes about Dylan Mulvaney’s Bud Light ad.

From 2023.

That one.

Three years later, the president of the United States is still furious about one trans woman drinking one beer.

Imagine having access to the nuclear codes...

and your emotional support grievance is an old Bud Light commercial.

Nothing says “I’m the most powerful man in the world”...

like using a nationally televised speech to complain that somebody you don’t know enjoyed a light beer incorrectly.

Dylan Mulvaney’s only crime was drinking Bud Light.

Which should have been punishment enough.

Many of Trump’s jokes reportedly received an awkward response.

He eventually started blaming the speechwriters.

That’s a strong move.

Nothing makes a comedy audience relax like the most powerful man in the world identifying the people responsible.

“I didn’t write these jokes.

Several young staff members did.

Their names, photographs and home addresses will be available after dessert.”

Trump also mocked Kaitlan Collins shortly after she received an award for journalism under deadline pressure.

He complained that Collins doesn’t smile enough.

This from a man whose official portrait looks like he’s starring in a dinner-theatre production of The Wrath of Khan.

“From hell’s heart...

I tariff thee.”

The whole event was supposed to celebrate press freedom.

And Trump did say that he supports a free press.

Very generous.

The press is free...

to report exactly what he wants...

—

Meanwhile, Toronto police are investigating after a shot was fired at the United States Consulate in downtown Toronto early Monday morning.

Police found a shell casing and damage to the front of the building.

Thankfully, no one was injured.

It is the second shooting at the consulate this year, and police say the motive remains under investigation.

This is obviously disturbing and completely unacceptable.

Police have not said whether this incident is connected to the previous shooting.

And until investigators determine what happened, nobody should speculate.

Fortunately...

we are a late-night comedy show.

Speculation is literally the fourth step in our formula.

Still, it is becoming increasingly difficult to tell whether something involving the American government is an isolated incident...

a political statement...

or the opening scene of a Netflix documentary.

Toronto Mayor Olivia Chow called it a brazen attack.

It certainly was.

The American Consulate is one of the most heavily secured buildings in downtown Toronto.

It’s essentially a concrete bunker surrounded by traffic...

which also describes most of downtown Toronto.

The good news is that no one was hurt.

The bad news is that Trump may now send over one of his Smithsonian signs:

“Caution: Canada may contain trace amounts of America.”

—

Finally, the federal government says it will not support plans to expand Billy Bishop Airport on Toronto Island.

More than 87,000 responses were submitted during the federal consultation, with a majority opposing changes amid concerns about noise and the waterfront.

The Ford government has been pushing to lengthen the runway so the airport can accommodate larger jets.

Ottawa has now said no.

After watching Doug Ford pressure Olivia Chow into supporting the expansion like a big brother bullying his little sister...

it was pretty satisfying to see the federal government come in and ground him.

“No bigger airplanes for you, young man.

And don’t make us turn this province around.”

Of course, Billy Bishop Airport is incredibly convenient.

You can leave downtown Toronto...

walk through a tunnel...

get on a plane...

and within minutes arrive in another city where you can complain about Toronto.

The concern is that an expanded runway would allow bigger planes and more traffic.

And people living near the waterfront don’t want additional aircraft noise.

Which is understandable.

They already live beside the Gardiner Expressway, construction, concerts, boats…

Actually, would anyone even hear the jets?

“Did a Boeing 737 just take off?”

“I don’t know. The Beaches are doing sound check.”

Ontario insists it is not giving up on the expansion.

Of course it isn’t.

Doug Ford approaches infrastructure proposals the same way a golden retriever approaches a closed patio door:

He may not understand the obstacle...

but he remains absolutely convinced momentum will solve it.

And that’s the difference between Canada and the United States right now.

America is putting warning signs outside museums because the government doesn’t like what’s inside.

Canada is preventing larger planes from landing at a downtown airport because 87,000 people filled out a survey.

One country is trying to rewrite history.

The other is checking the suggestion box.

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To be clear, the bridge itself is still opening.

We’re just not having a party anymore.

Which may be the most Canadian response to an international crisis imaginable:

“We’ve completed one of the largest infrastructure projects in North America...

…but due to recent tensions, we’ve cancelled the BeaverTails truck.”

The joint Canadian-American ceremony was called off after Donald Trump announced an additional 50% tariff on many Canadian goods.

Apparently, Canada decided it would be inappropriate to celebrate a bridge connecting our two countries...

while one of those countries is actively trying to burn the bridge.

The Gordie Howe Bridge is still scheduled to open to traffic on July 27.

So Canadians will still be allowed to cross into America...

provided we declare all dairy products, alcohol...

and any lingering feelings of friendship and trust.

Intensifying the Relationship

Prime Minister Mark Carney says he and President Trump have now agreed to “intensify” trade negotiations.

Intensify.

That doesn’t sound reassuring.

You intensify a workout.

You intensify a search.

You intensify the flavour of Cool Ranch Doritos.

You don’t usually intensify a healthy relationship.

Nobody comes home from couples counselling and says:

“Oh honey, I’m so glad we’ve agreed to intensify.”

What does intensified trade negotiation even look like?

Are they negotiating while doing squats?

Does Dominic LeBlanc have to argue about softwood lumber while someone sprays him with a hose?

Canadian officials have spent months calmly presenting statistics, trade figures and sections of the existing agreement...

so presumably the next step is putting everything in ALL CAPS:

“AS PREVIOUSLY DISCUSSED, YOU SIGNED THIS.”

Carney said Canada would continue negotiating but would consider all options if the tariffs go ahead.

All options.

That’s diplomatic language for:

“We have a plan, but I swear to God, we’ll send Doug Ford and Danielle Smith to Mar-a-Lago just to hang out.”

Trump’s approach to trade negotiations is fascinating.

He signs a trade agreement...

complains that the agreement he signed is unfair...

imposes tariffs that violate the spirit of the agreement...

then demands a new agreement to protect America from the previous agreement...

which, once again, he signed.

At this point, Canada shouldn’t negotiate another trade deal.

We should just get Trump to sign a birthday card.

He’s good at that.

It’ll be just as legally binding...

and there’s a chance we’ll get twenty bucks.

Trump says Canada needs the United States to survive.

And he may have a point.

Without the United States, who would Canada sell all its lumber, aluminum and energy to?

Someone who pays the agreed price?

We’re not prepared for that kind of relationship.

Canada Discovers Shipping

Meanwhile, Canadian premiers have finally agreed to remove a major barrier to direct-to-consumer alcohol sales between provinces.

Nine provinces have agreed to let Canadians order Canadian alcohol directly from producers in other provinces.

That’s right.

After nearly 160 years of Confederation...

Canada has finally discovered shipping.

Until now, it could be easier for a Canadian winery to send a bottle to another country than to send it across a provincial border.

Because nothing says “one united nation” like:

“Sorry, your Pinot Noir doesn’t have the proper Saskatchewan paperwork.”

Premiers say removing the barriers will improve internal Canadian trade.

Which means Donald Trump’s tariffs have finally convinced the provinces to work together.

So congratulations to the president.

He has achieved what generations of Canadian prime ministers could not...

getting Alberta and British Columbia to share a drink.

Pearson’s $1.5-Billion Escape Room

And finally, Toronto Pearson Airport has announced a $1.5-billion renovation of Terminals 1 and 3.

The airport says the work will modernize the terminals, create more space and make Pearson easier to navigate.

Easier to navigate?

That’s ambitious.

Pearson isn’t an airport.

It’s an escape room where the final clue is your gate number...

and if it changes, they’ll tell you at some point.

The renovations will include expanded terminal space, refreshed lounges, more charging stations and improvements to baggage handling.

More charging stations will be helpful.

Though it does diminish the prestige of sitting on the floor beside one of those columns with the loose outlet.

Pearson says it wants to improve the passenger experience.

Although you’ll still have to determine which of the two simultaneous gate announcements is for you...

and where exactly are these “travelling animals” they keep talking about?

Are we talking about a poodle with a suitcase on a business trip?

Or a group of cats heading to an all-inclusive?

The renovations will apparently make the terminals more modern, comfortable and efficient.

Pearson also plans to improve its baggage systems.

That’s good news.

Currently, checking a suitcase at Pearson feels less like transportation...

and more like releasing an animal into the wild.

You attach a tag, say goodbye...

and hope someone spots it in Manitoba three months later.

Airport officials say the upgrades will allow Pearson to handle more passengers.

Fantastic.

Because the only thing missing from Pearson was...

more people.

And you just know the renovations themselves will make travelling through Pearson easier.

Nothing improves an airport experience like years of construction.

“Welcome to Toronto. Baggage claim is temporarily located in Barrie.”

Still, it’s nice to see Canada investing in infrastructure that connects us with the rest of the world.

Canada is removing barriers everywhere.

Meanwhile, the United States is adding tariffs.

Which means the Canada–U.S. relationship can now be summarized like this:

We built them a bridge...

cancelled the party...

ordered ourselves some wine...

and started looking for flights elsewhere.

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So, let’s get this straight.

Trump disregarded his own trade agreement with us...

CUSMA... a trade deal for CUSMA.

He levelled some goofy tariffs at us.

He threatened to make Canada the 51st state.

So, we stopped buying American booze...

And suddenly that’s a bridge too far?

Bridge joke intended.

Remember when Trump honked, “We don’t need anything from Canada”?

Well, Mr. President, you forgot one important thing you apparently do need...

Functioning Canadian alcoholics.

I love that bourbon is apparently the breaking point.

The United States has spent months suggesting Canada is weak, subsidized by America and should become the 51st state...

But now they’re furious because we won’t stock Kentucky’s pumpkin-spice whiskey.

Of course, this is all part of Trump’s attempt to get “a better deal” for the United States.

It’s a fascinating negotiation strategy.

“Join America!”

“No, thanks.”

“Fine... then we’re going to pay more for your wine, hockey sticks, cement and a wide variety of other goods.”

That’s less international diplomacy...

And more Facebook Marketplace.

The tariffs will not apply to oil or gas because...

Of course they won’t.

Speaking of not taking “no” for an answer...

Did you see Donald Trump manage to insert himself into Spain’s World Cup celebrations?

He lingered in the trophy-presentation photos long enough that Spain later released an edited version with him removed.

Even The Guardian photo credit read:

“Gianni Infantino carefully explains to Donald Trump that he is not part of the Spanish national team.”

It was like watching someone’s grandpa wander into the wedding photos.

“No, Grandpa... you’re not in the wedding party.”

Wild.

You know you’ve overstayed your welcome when an entire country Photoshops you out faster than an ex-boyfriend.

And finally...

Trump may have threatened to take over Canada...

But Americans had better sleep with one eye open.

Sleep Country Canada...

🎵why buy a mattress anywhere else🎵

...is buying the American mattress company Sleep Number and says it plans to expand into the United States.

This is how Canada invades.

Not with tanks...

But well-rested, with adjustable lumbar support.

America keeps threatening economic warfare...

Meanwhile, Canada quietly buys the bed it’s sleeping in.

That’s the most Canadian military strategy imaginable.

It’s our own version of liberating a country from a horrible regime.

We’ll win the hearts and minds of Americans...

And relieve their lower-back pain.

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While Politics Is Broken and Entertainment Is Broken take a well-earned break (both return in September), I’ve been hard (not that hard) at work putting together Late Night Canada. A fictitious late night talk show in… well, Canada.

People seem to be enjoying them elsewhere (about 80K people watched this one so far) so I thought why not share them here in both video and written form.

So here you go!

Late Night Canada Monologue - 17 July 2026

Well, much of Canada was covered in wildfire smoke this week.

Toronto briefly had some of the worst air quality in the world with the Air Quality Index hitting 11 in some locations.

You know things are bad when they start using the Spinal Tap scale.

The smoke was so thick, even vape shops had to shut their doors.

There are currently more than 850 wildfires burning across Canada, with more than 100 considered out of control.

Out of control?

So that means the 750 remaining wildfires are misnamed, no?

The smoke spread south into the United States, affecting more than 100 million Americans.

And some American politicians are furious with us.

Republicans in Michigan and Ohio accused Canada of failing to manage its forests and threatened sanctions.

Sanctions!

Trump immediately put a 25% tariff on the smoke.

American lawmakers say Canada needs to take responsibility for allowing the smoke to cross the border.

Which is interesting coming from a country whose emissions have been crossing our border for roughly a century.

Canada sends America smoke for a few weeks and suddenly they’re furious.

America has been sending Canada reality television, conspiracy theories and Kid Rock since the 1990s.

The noxious fumes emanating from the Oval Office for the past 10 years have caused lots of headaches here in Canada.

Did you see the terrifying video of the CN railworkers surrounded by flames?

One of them calmly radioed, “Y’all need to hurry up here. Like, seriously, we’re encased in flames now,”

How was that guy so calm??

It was like he was ordering from a Tim’s drive-thru…

“Yeah, I’ll get a Farmer’s Wrap, and a double double. If you can make it quick, I’m encased in flames… oh, almost forgot, and an Apple Fritter please”

Of course, this is a very serious issue and entire communities have suffered tremendous losses

However, there’s also the uncomfortable subject nobody wants to mention...

climate change.

Some politicians are insisting the solution is simply better forest management.

Which is comforting.

Because apparently the planet isn’t getting dangerously hotter...

Canada just forgot to rake Northern Ontario.

Maybe we should try their 2-step climate plan.

Step one: deny climate change.

Step two: complain when climate change reaches your house.

And despite some questionable decisions by various governments, Canada is taking climate action.

We’ve set ambitious emissions targets for 2030.

Which is good...

because at our current pace, by 2030 we’ll be able to cook dinner by holding it near Saskatchewan.

But there was some other environmental news in America this week.

A massive outbreak of cyclosporiasis has been linked to shredded lettuce served at Taco Bell locations in five states.

However more than 30 states have been affected

Leading Taco Bell to say “This one’s not all our fault”

Health officials say the parasite can cause severe diarrhea.

“Severe diarrhea” being the medical term.

“Explosive diarrhea” being the term that gets people to stop eating the lettuce.

Taco Bell has temporarily stopped using the lettuce.

“temporarily”??

Just stop.

But the good news is, Taco Bell is once again safe...

by Taco Bell standards.

The company is now serving its food without contaminated lettuce.

Just meat fired from a caulking gun directly into a tortilla shell.

And finally, a popular pair of wide-legged Zara trousers has gone viral because wearers say they keep tripping over them.

The trousers are now known online as the “Zara death pants.”

Death pants!

Remember when the worst thing clothing could do was make your bum look big?

Now your outfit is actively trying to end you.

The pants are apparently so long and flowing that the fabric becomes tangled around the wearer’s ankles.

Women say they have fallen down stairs, tripped in the street and been caught on escalators.

Which finally answers the question:

What would happen if you dressed like a curtain?

Zara has not announced a recall.

Fashion experts say wearers could solve the problem by having the trousers shortened.

Sure.

But then you just own regular pants.

You paid Zara $65 for the thrill of dressing like a Victorian ghost being sucked into an escalator.

Some people have suggested tying elastic bands around the ankles.

But then you end up with MC Hammer pants

The “death pants” are part of the return of extremely wide-legged trousers.

We finally escaped skinny jeans...

only to discover the alternative is being hunted by our own clothing.

Skinny jeans cut off your circulation.

Wide-legged pants throw you down a staircase.

There is apparently no safe way to cover a human leg.

At this point, the safest summer outfit is an N95 mask, no pants...

and absolutely no lettuce.

We’ve got a show!

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Hilariously (to my arm, or God, or fate), it happened right in the middle of lots of work. The kind that really only becomes challenging when you don’t have two working arms.

It’s largely back working again.
It seems to have been a trapped nerve situation.
In my neck.
Caused by bad posture… caused by too much phone and laptop.
No severe pain, just an arm who’s Arm IQ (I just made that up) plummeted.

I certainly hope it continues its current trajectory of getting better.

I know there are lots of proverbs and parables and Joni Mitchell songs about not knowing what you’ve got until it’s gone but here’s one more…

Pause.
Briefly.
Think of all the things you can do, all the things you’re capable of doing, all the things you want to do, and then…

Do them.

Or at least ask yourself why you aren’t doing them.

Then do them.

There may come a day when you don’t get to choose to NOT do something.
There may come a day when your stupid arm just stops working.

(This was typed slowly, badly, but sufficiently using two arms. Both mine. )

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Happy Canada Day!

Here’s a shareable link for this video:

This week on Politics Is Broken, Brittlestar and Lisa dig into Bill C-34, the proposed under-16 social media ban, age verification, AI guardrails, online harms, and whether government rules can keep up with kids, parents, tech companies, and the internet being... the internet.

Plus: Canadian culture, streaming platforms, the CRTC, Netflix, TikTok, Canadian creators, and why relying on American companies to save Canadian stories might not be the strongest national strategy. Also, somehow, butter tarts.

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I took a photo of my stove and sent it to a robot.

One more sentence I never imagined uttering.

When I was a boy I was enthralled with the idea of a robot assistant… companion…
oh, who am I kidding, best friend.

The future that was promised to me as a child involved flying cars, stain-resistant jumpsuits, and robot pals.

We don’t have the flying cars completely yet, not nearly as many people as I thought are wearing jumpsuits, but we do have robots we can talk to.

As with most of my conversations with anyone or anything as an aging human, my choice of topics is usually centred around the weather and how to fix things.

So when our oven element broke on our 30+ year old stove I took a photo of it and sent it to the robots (Ai).

Within seconds it had deduced the make and year of the stove and told me where to find the model number.

Wow!

I took another photo of the model number and sent it back.

A second or two passed and it spat out the exact part number to be replaced.

Amazing!

Off I went to a big box store and bought the replacement part.

I returned home excited to bask in my manly-handiness aided by robots… only to find that though the part was correct, our old (vintage?) stove required special connectors.

This time we took the old broken element and raced to the local appliance store which was closer.

We arrived at 20 minutes past 3 o’clock, which being a small store meant they had been closed for 20 minutes on this sunny Saturday.

As we dejectedly returned to our car the owner appeared in the parking lot beckoning us back.
”I saw the broken element in your hand and thought that won’t get dinner made.”

She then eyeballed the broken element in my hand said “I’ve got one in the back.”

Within the hour the element was replaced, tested, and working great.

Ai has lots of uses and will only get better (hopefully) but my experience this past weekend reminded me of the other Ai… At-hand Intelligence.

The experts around you.

The small business owner who got into doing what they do because they love helping people.

Sometimes the community around you will be able to help you faster and better.

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Be sure to pop by PeaceLoveCanada.ca to keep Shannon out of trouble.

In this episode of Politics Is Broken, Brittlestar and Lisa B dig into Hoekstra reposting Donald Trump’s “51st state” comments, why Canadians are rightly furious, and what it says about the current state of Canada-U.S. relations under the Trump administration.

We also get into Alberta separatism, Danielle Smith’s referendum chaos, Wab Kinew calling things as he sees them, the Western Premiers Conference, tariffs, Trump’s social media diplomacy, and whether Canada should treat Hoekstra as a serious warning sign... or just another political buffoon with a login.

Is the 51st state talk just noise? Is Alberta separation still a serious threat? Should Canada be worried about the U.S. ambassador? And who exactly is still going to that July 4th party in Ottawa?

Canada is not for sale. But apparently some people keep checking the price.

In this episode:
Peter Hoekstra, Donald Trump, Canada-U.S. relations, 51st state comments, Alberta separation, Danielle Smith, Wab Kinew, Canadian politics, tariffs, Trump administration, Canadian sovereignty, Politics Is Broken, Brittlestar, Lisa B.

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This week on Politics Is Broken, Brittlestar and Lisa dig into the rise of insult politics, media scrums, political clapbacks, and whether “going high” still works when the other side is already rolling around in the democratic mud like a raccoon in a Tim Hortons dumpster.

They talk Alberta separatism, rallies, Pierre Poilievre’s press tactics, Mark Carney, Stephen Miller, Gavin Newsom-style political trolling, and whether a well-timed F-bomb can actually make politics feel more honest.

Subscribe for more sharp, funny Canadian political commentary from Brittlestar and Lisa.

Grab a Politics Is Broken mug before they’re gone!
https://peacelovecanada.ca/products/politics-is-broken-mug?_pos=1&_psq=politics&_ss=e&_v=1.0

This week on Entertainment Is Broken, Richard and Sarah talk about younger audiences returning to theatres, the magic of indie cinemas, and why watching a film with strangers still hits differently than streaming it alone on the couch.

They also dig into the growing momentum behind Canadian films like Little Lorraine, Blue Heron, Nirvanna: The Band, The Show, The Movie, Undertone, and more... plus the importance of community theatres like The Revue, The Fox, The Plaza, and other independent spaces across the country.

Also discussed:
Canadian horror, Ginger Snaps, Black Christmas, post-pandemic moviegoing, theatre as a third space, and why some films simply need an audience.

Because maybe theatres aren’t dead after all. Maybe they were just waiting for us to remember why we loved them.

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Of course, why would it?

No one, when asking what the problem is, appreciates being told it’s them.
That it’s us.

I did a bit of travelling for work this past few weeks. There’s more coming up and, though it’s exhausting and draining, I love it.

I think I love it because it never fails to underline one very important fact…

People, no matter race, creed, or origin, are people.
Awesome.
Awful.
Adorable.
Appalling.
All of it.

Our little pocket computers (smartphones) have given us unfettered access to the entirety of human knowledge.
That’s a lot of information.
So much that we try to immediately compartmentalize it.
Sort it.
Prioritize it.
Divide it.

And oh… there’s the problem.

Part of that bottomless cup of knowledge is humans and how we see each other.

Faced with infinite variations and details we try to separate them into chunks.
You’re from that country? Then you’re this.
Your skin is that colour? Then this is who you are.

This, despite sounding evidently wrong, is useful.
It helps keep us sane.
At first.
But then it quickly creates walls between us.

We’re drowning in a shower of information that we’re addicted to but cannot possibly process without trying to simplify it.
And when we simplify it, we get things wrong.
We make assumptions.
We create stereotypes.

Until we actually talk to each other.
Then our similarities become impossible to ignore.

They becomes we.

Not always… but a lot.

Social Media is wonderful.
Ask me. It saved our family from losing everything and has provided me opportunities I never dare to dream of.

But recently, no thanks to shareholders and profits, it’s been building walls between us.
Turning genuine discourse into a shirts versus skins bloodbath.
Feeding us what we hate and fear because those two emotions are the easiest to monetize.

Here’s the kicker though…

The “social” in social media?
That’s us.

It’s what I told a room full of conference attendees recently when asked about the evils of social media and how we can fix it.

We need to fix us.
We need to teach children and adults alike that the scoreboard reality they see online isn’t entirely accurate.
The world isn’t black and white.
It’s every colour you can imagine and a few more.

People are people.
And a lot of them are great.

###

Keep Shannon Busy

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This week on Politics Is Broken, Brittlestar and Lisa break down the latest Alberta separatism talk, the confusing referendum question, and the myths being sold about what an independent Alberta would actually look like.

From pipelines and transfer payments to borders, currency, Indigenous treaty rights, military costs, federal programs, and the awkward little issue of Alberta being completely landlocked, we look at the real-world consequences of “just leaving Canada.”

Because breaking up is hard to do... especially when you still need to use your ex’s highways, ports, currency, passports, trade deals, and possibly their microwave.

In this episode:

• Why Alberta separation sounds simple online but gets very complicated very quickly

• The real costs of becoming a new country

• What Alberta gets from Canada right now

• Why transfer payments are more complicated than the slogan version

• How separatist rhetoric ignores healthcare, pensions, borders, disaster relief, and trade

• Why low-information voting is dangerous... even when people are frustrated for real reasons

• What happens next as Alberta heads toward an October vote

Watch: https://www.youtube.com/@PoliticsIsBroken

Listen: https://pod.link/1730993828

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This week on Entertainment Is Broken, Richard Crouse and Sarah Hanlon look at the past, present, and uncertain future of late night TV. Sparked by conversation around Stephen Colbert, they trace the format from Johnny Carson to David Letterman, Conan, Kimmel, Fallon, Colbert, and Canada’s own attempts to build a proper talk-show tradition.

Richard reflects on hosting Pop Life, his bar-set talk show on CTV, and why there is still value in long-form, relaxed, curious conversation on television. Sarah makes the case that Canada needs more talk and variety shows ... not just for entertainment, but as part of a real star-making system.

They also discuss Obsessed, Indie Navarette’s standout performance, Keke Palmer, Boots Riley’s I Love Boosters, and why smaller, stranger movies may be finding their way back into theatres.

Watch: https://www.youtube.com/@EntertainmentIsBroken

Listen: https://pod.link/1855097197

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This week on Politics Is Broken, Brittlestar and Lisa dig into the Alberta separation push, the nearly 302,000 signatures reportedly submitted, the voter data scandal, Danielle Smith’s “Sovereign Alberta within a United Canada” tightrope, First Nations treaty challenges, and why this may be less about Alberta actually leaving Canada and more about what happens when political grievance becomes a machine.

Also discussed: magic beans, King Charles conspiracy fears, Brexit warnings, separatist leaders who maybe shouldn’t be allowed near the steering wheel, and why “we’re just sending Ottawa a message” is a pretty risky way to flirt with constitutional chaos.

Watch, subscribe, and join the conversation.

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