My Global Gas Leak Theory

Why Everything and Everyone Is So Stupid Right Now

(Pictured: Author looks muscular and capable while pretending to be muscular and capable in firefighter’s suit)

If you’ve been paying attention to global politics lately—and I completely understand if you haven’t because that’s a direct route to a stress ulcer—you might have noticed a peculiar trend.

Countries, leaders, entire populations are making decisions so bafflingly self-destructive that it defies all logic.

At first, you might think, “Ah, it’s just regular human folly.”
But no. This is different.
This is a level of absurdity that suggests an external force is at play.

And I have a theory: there has been a global gas leak.

That’s right. The whole planet is just slightly woozy, stumbling around like it stood up too fast after three espressos on an empty stomach. It’s the only explanation that makes sense. Because otherwise, we have to accept that rational people are willingly walking into disaster with the enthusiasm of a dog charging towards a vacuum cleaner.

Look at the sheer volume of decisions that defy any survival instinct. Countries are electing leaders who seem to actively despise them, like a villain in a cartoon who’s just found out he owns the orphanage and now wants to burn it down for insurance money.

Governments are passing laws that seem designed to make life harder for the very people who voted for them. Policies are being rolled out that appear to have been brainstormed in a room where someone left the oven on and no one noticed.

This isn’t just one country, or one political ideology, either. This is happening everywhere, across all spectrums of thought. It’s as if, overnight, a memo was sent out saying, “Let’s see what happens if we just drive straight into the wall, full speed.” And the worst part?

People are cheering for the wall.

If this were just incompetence, we could deal with that.
Incompetence is predictable. But this is different. This is a level of reckless self-destruction that suggests people are making these choices while under the influence of some kind of mass neurological impairment.

Think about it: what happens when there’s a gas leak?

People get confused, make terrible choices, and ultimately, the situation goes from “ha-ha, why did I put my car keys in the fridge?” to “oh no, we’ve blown up the entire house.”

And that’s exactly what global politics feels like right now. Leaders and voters alike are stumbling around in a haze, seemingly unaware that they are making decisions that are setting fire to their own futures.

So what’s causing this metaphorical gas leak? Maybe it’s social media, pumping brain-fogging fumes into our collective consciousness. Maybe it’s the 24-hour news cycle, which feeds us a steady diet of outrage and confusion until we’re too disoriented to tell up from down. Or maybe, just maybe, there is an actual gas leak, and we need to open a window, take a deep breath, and reassess before we collectively pass out in the kitchen.

The good news? Gas leaks can be fixed. You ventilate the area. You get out of the house and into fresh air. You call in someone who actually knows what they’re doing to check the pipes. The bad news? That means we have to acknowledge the problem first. And given that most people currently appear to be huffing the fumes willingly, that might be the biggest challenge of all.

But hey, at least this theory is slightly more comforting than believing that humanity is just naturally this bad at decision-making. Because if that’s the case, well… we might need more than a window cracked open. We might need a full-on evacuation plan.

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